How women should reframe their thinking to become expert negotiators

Top three tips before going into any negotiation

Talk less

Knowledge is power so you don’t want to just be giving it away. The more they know the more they can use against you.That doesn’t mean you are a passive wallflower, quiet confidence is the key.

Second, when we get nervous we tend to talk more and fill the silence and it we look more desperate and eager. If you do that you’re going to end up talking yourself out of a deal. Think of how you’d behave at a car dealership, "Well I really love this model, this colour, we need it quickly because our current one is going to break down.” Now they have leverage and they know you’re desperate. Instead ask “Why do you still have it on the lot?” and other questions. The more information you give people, the more you talk yourself out of it.

Don't assume a "win-win"

Women especially assume everything is going to be a win win – you need to be respected but not liked. You don’t have to live under the same roof as them. You don’t have to be aggressive or rude. You can be completely respectable.

A win-win requires sharing information and if they’re not thinking about ‘we’ then they’re going to use that information to their advantage. "No" is not a bad word and it doesn’t have to be rude. “I appreciate your offer. Unfortunately I can’t do that but I can do __.”  Negotiation isn’t as dramatic as it looks on TV. 

Prepare

Never wing it. People are predictable. It’s easy to anticipate a lot of what’s going to happen. They’ll say no to the first offer, they’ll likely make a counter offer, etc. They may say no, etc. So why wait until that moment of stress to figure out what you’re going to say?  Negotiation is a dance, know the choreography going in. Have proposals ready, have questions ready, and know what to say just in case they say ‘no.’  You’d be surprised at what you can recover if you plan appropriately. You can afford to spend a few minutes thinking about what to say.