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Sexologist Jessica O’Reilly shares the five things that may be holding you back in the bedroom, and how you can take charge and change the situation.Follow Jess on Twitter: @SexWithDrJess
Being Body Conscious
Body conscious. Are you holding back because you feel self-conscious about your body? Do you avoid sex because you don’t feel great naked? I’ve got the solution - spend more time naked! If you can’t stand in front of the mirror naked for on minute, you have some work to do. Research shows that nudists have more positive body image. I know my life changed the first time I visited a nude resort. I’ll never look at my body (or aging) the same.
Exhaustion And Stress May Be Holding You Back…
Do you avoid sex because you’re exhausted? Do you feel like you just don’t have energy left for lovin’ at the end of the day? You’re not alone. Half of the women I talk to are simply too tired for sex. The solution: lifestyle changes (say NO, get more sleep), but in the short term, do 60 seconds of exercise when you wake up and before you go to bed for a testosterone and energy boost.
Low libido/Low interest in sex. Most of us don’t experience spontaneous sex desire. We don’t walk around saying “yeah. I just worked all day, cooked dinner, bathed the kids, put out the garbage and all I can think about is sex!” It’s not realistic. Desire for sex often requires a stimulus of some sort. You have to be turned on before you want sex. The solution: DIY.
Unsure How To Initiate
Scared/unsure how to initiate. Do you initiate sex? I don’t. I struggle to. I can give you 20 tips to do it masterfully, but damn if I can actually implement them. I’ve been working on it for the past few months and I have to in order to preserve my marriage.
After a lack of frequency, a lack of initiation from their partner is the most common concern I hear. And it wreaks havoc on the relationship, as one partner is burdened with the “work” and 100% of the rejection.
Lack Of Satisfaction
Lack of satisfaction - how to get/ask for what you want. Many of us avoid sex because we simply aren’t getting the sex we want. Our partners may be selfish or clueless, but it’s not their fault. I don’t know what you like to eat unless you tell me - the same applies in bed. Here’s how to ask for what you want…Start with compliments. Make an offer. Make a request.
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