Understanding why men do what they do normally requires hours of thoughtful consideration, often with input from multiple girlfriends. Now, sexologist, Jessica O’Reilly, saves you the time by dissecting what men’s actions may mean.
He shares intimate/personal info with you:
This is not necessarily a sign that you’re special or that he has a unique trust for you. Some people are just accustomed to being open about their past.
He doesn’t make a move:
Why should the responsibility be on him? There are a lot of mixed messages that draw heavily on gender stereotypes regarding consent and there shouldn’t be. Leaving the responsibility of initiation exclusively on one person creates a lose-lose situation. Enthusiastic consent should be our focus as opposed to no means no. Just because he doesn’t make the first move doesn’t mean he’s not into you. It more likely means that he isn’t sure what to do, when to do it and what you want. So let him know and encourage him to do the same.
He talks too much:
He may just be nervous. A lot of us talk to fill the awkward silence and then regret it. Interject, and if he is receptive, it’s likely that he’s a nervous talker as opposed to a self-absorbed conversation monopolizer.
He is cold/abrupt via text:
He sees communication as a tool to say what he has to say as opposed to a means of forging a meaningful connection. Don’t read into it too much. Remember that tone, nuance and context are sometimes missed in text.
He seems into you on the date, but aloof after:
Maybe he his read one too many pick up artist books and he thinks that counting minutes, hours or days before calling is the surefire way to “win” at dating. If this is the case call him out and be honest about how you feel. Maybe he’s just a little afraid of rejection. Men are socialized to prepare for rejection which can be hard to cope with and stop him from initiating anything. Think about your role in this dynamic and how you may have contributed to a shift in behaviour.
He says he’ll call, but doesn’t:
You can always call him, but some people would rather say what they think you want to hear as opposed to being totally straightforward. You two may not be the right fit, so go ahead and move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!
Don’t play it cool - If you’re into him, let him know. Don’t worry about seeming needy. If he assumes that women who are straightforward are needy, that’s his problem and you don’t want it to be yours.
Go into every date expecting the best - Dating can leave us jaded and the results can snowball into a leeriness that makes us very unattractive.
Drop those gender roles – It is okay to want your date to pay as a gesture of generosity, but don’t expect him to do so simply because he is a man. The same gender rules apply for kissing, calling back and sex.