The Five Burning Relationship Questions You're Too Afraid To Ask
A handful of Marilyn viewers put their embarrassment aside and ask our expert how to navigate some tricky situations with their partners.
“I have been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months now …how do I tell him that he’s too stingy?”
"Money is hard thing to talk about in relationships, yet it is a major cause of stress and breakups. Both people in the relationship come with their own money story, and we rarely talk about it! It may not be an easy conversation, but it is necessary.
The trick is, don’t make this about him, make it about you. You can say things like “When we go out I feel……..because it feels like you are holding back and that makes me feel……..”
If you start with “you're cheap” he will likely get defensive and the conversation will go downhill. You’ve been with him for 8 months so you can talk about what you love about him, but you are worried about how his money issues are affecting your relationship.
If your progress in your relationship and will have to make big purchases like property or go on a vacation you don’t want these conversations to always lead to a fight. "
Question: “I was wondering if it’s okay to think of other guys when you’re being intimate with your boyfriend?”
"Yes! But, it can may also be a sign that the intimate relationship is hitting a plateau and it might be time to spice things up.
You may have fallen into a routine and so someone else pops in your mind to keep things interesting. What we all want to do is keep things interesting with our actual partners. Try to think of ways you could recharge your intimate life."
Question: “I wanted to ask a question about older women. There’s a lot of women over 50 that are getting back in the dating scene for whatever reason. The piercing question is, what exactly is too young for them?”
"There is no hard and fast rule, and of course that will be a decision between the two people in a relationship, but generally a 10 year gap seems to be the norm. Still, some like the formula of taking half your age and then adding 7. So, for a 50 year old the youngest would be 32. But at the end of the day it is between the two people in the relationship. So if it works for them, it works!"
Question: “How long into the relationship is it okay to stop shaving your legs?”
"Usually this starts to happen when we are more comfortable in the relationship, or when it’s winter! And let me tell you this happens often and is completely normal. Often times it will bother us more than our partner, but if you are unsure or worried about it you should ask you partner."
Question: “Is it okay to date a guy if his family doesn’t like you?”
"Yes, I think it is absolutely OK, but it will require some open and honest conversation between you and your boyfriend, in this case you want to do a lot of pre-paving. Things like looking at your calendar for the year, what are the family events that you two would normally go too, maybe some birthdays/holidays. Don’t try to do all of them. When you are at an event, even though you can’t change the situation you can change how you think and FEEL about the situation, so be respectful. Focus on the person you do get along with. And finally don’t let this consume you. When you are not there, don’t focus on his family, focus on yourself and your relationship. Don’t let it rent space in your head."