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The panel discusses what men and women should not do on a first date.

The First Date Manual



DONT!!
 
1. Don't be a Peacock!!!
 
One of the most cited mistakes that men make on first dates is that they try to do as the peacock does! They spread their wings, show all their best colours, and only talk about themselves so they can sell you on them! Don’t brag about past conquests or try to impress with your salary etc....Don’t do it!!!
 
So, don’t talk about yourself all night! There is nothing worse than a person that loves to talk about himself or herself all the time. Be the one asking the questions!
 
Don't Monopolize the Conversation!!! 
 
Ask questions to give your date a chance to talk so you can both find out about each other. While you are trying to get to know your date, you aren’t there to drill them for every detail of their life.
 
Take an interest in your date - Listen to your date when he/she is talking. Be interested in what your date has to say and show how interested you are by asking questions about what your date is talking about. For example, if your date says he/she likes to travel then ask him/her what the most unique place is he/she has traveled to.
 
2. Don’t get DRUNK!  Do we really need to remind you of this one? Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there, giving into the moment or the open bar and downing way more appletinis than we can manage on a dinner of salad and a half a cracker. The next thing you know, you’re spilling stories about your ex, slurring some joke your dad told you and inappropriately sharing your bra size. Keep it to a two-drink max. If the date’s so bad you need to drown your sorrows, say goodnight and hop a cab to meet your friends at another bar. Also, if you really like the person you may end up proposing marriage, and this is the best way to ensure that you won’t see them again!
 
3. Don't talk about past relationships - Maybe that’s how you lost the last one. Nobody wants to hear you drone on about your ex and what he or she did or didn't do. Concentrate on your date and see if you can get to Don't go on and on about awkward, inappropriate, or past relationships. That clearly includes every ex, the string of people you've gone out on one date with, the woman in the next cubicle you think is stal Do not complain - This may be technically part of tip three, but it deserves a separate heading. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't tell him that something is wrong or something makes you uncomfortable. The way you phrase it and the tone you use is important here. 'Venting', like we do with our girl friends, is not going to go over well with him since he'll probably misinterpret it. Grin and bear it then tell him after the date in calm, reasoned tones your problem. Trust me, he'll understand and he'll try to make it up to you.
 
4. Don't forget your manners!!

Be on your best behavior! If you wouldn’t do it in a job interview don’t do it on a first date! So brush up on your table manners! Don’t eat with your mouth open! This will not only create a negative impression of you to your date, but also to other people around you.
 
Be kind and courteous to all service staff, even if service isn’t very good!! Do NOT use this as a time to “show off” how it should be done. It will be seen as pompous and rude! I have heard of people not getting a job because they were not polite to the waitstaff, so if they didn’t get the job, you also won’t get a second date!!
 
Don’t forget to thank them for the date!! It is good manners and etiquette to thank your date for the evening. If you don't want to go on a date again, this is where you will get your chance to end it. If you do, then this is your chance to ask your date out on another date.
 
Don’t be a close talker! Do not make your date uncomfortable by getting too close to them when you talk. People need to feel like they still have their own personal space and if they suddenly feel suffocated, then they will close up and you will not be able to learn as much about them as you would like.
 
Be on time!! - The last thing you want to do is make a bad impression on your date. If you are late then your date will think that you don’t care or that he/she isn't important. Even worse, your date might not hang around for you to turn up. Being late for a date is more than just being late. It gives the impression that you do not respect your date's time and that you are also someone that cannot be relied on. Show your date that you value time and are responsible by showing up on time. This a quality that everyone find attractive.
 
Timing is important - Timing as in 'on time'. No matter what they say, there is no such thing as 'fashionably late'. For the first date, this can give the guy jitters and make him think that you've stood him up. For the later dates, having him wait for you in the living room for half an hour with either your roommate, your sister or, worse, your father is not something you want him to do - whether it be for the embarrassing stories or Dad's 'eyes of doom'. 

Don’t talk on your phone!!!!! Nothing is ruder than talking on your cell phone during your date, or checking messaged constantly while on a date. It expresses only rudeness, but that you may also be bored and uninterested in your date, making him/her feel insecure and upset. So wait until the end of your date to check messages and if you must keep your cell-phone on and answer it, then keep your talk short and let the caller know that you are busy and will get back to them later
 
Do put your phone on vibrate and refrain from texting during the date. Obviously, there are exceptions when you’ll need to be on call – like if the sitter is frantic or you need to check in on your ailing mother. If you need to consult your phone for any reason, wait until your date steps out of site and put it away once they return. Set the phone on vibrate. You can always check in with the person you’re going out with tomorrow after the date you’re on is over. Remember that no matter how sexy or high-tech your phone is, compulsively checking it only gives off the message you are totally uninterested, a snoozer to be with, and lacking in social graces.
 
Don’t make assumptions about paying! Everyone has their own ideas about this one! So, don’t assume that he or she is paying, always offer something. A good rule of thumb is sometimes, whoever asked the person to join them on the date, pays? But again, this is different for everyone, so just don’t make assumptions—at least do the purse reach??
 
Don't Forget to Dress Appropriately 
 
Aim for business casual attire. No sweats. Nothing frumpy. Nothing too provocative or low-cut. Go easy on the makeup, and make sure your hair is properly groomed. First impressions count on a date, and physical appearance counts as much as personality. You may not mind your girlfriend or boyfriend dressing sloppy after you’ve gone out with them a while, but for a first date make sure you’re presenting the best possibly image you can.
 
5. Dont leave them hanging!! If you are interested, show it....but not too much!!! 
 
If you’d like to see your date again, say, "I had a great time. The time really flew.  Perhaps we can do that again sometime…." Yes, you can kiss him goodnight but don’t act desperate to set up a second date on the spot. If the first date is all she wrote for you, say, "It was a pleasure meeting you. All the best." Don’t dilute the message by engaging in kissy-kissy.
 
Make a move or don't! Just remember that whether you choose to kiss him or her or not, each sends a definite message about your interest. If you want to go on a second date but don't want to make a move, give a courteous and obvious sign like asking to call her or him the next day to set up another time to meet or by simply saying you'd love to go out again. Be kind and skip the kiss if you have no intention of seeing the person ever again. A quick hug is a great “go-to” for any situation! It is polite and kind, especially if you are unsure, but isn’t too far overboard on showing interest if you are not
 
Don’t get too familiar, too fast! Don’t be aggressive!
 
There is a difference being flirty and being too aggressive. There is also a difference between asking questions to get to know your date better and just being too direct. If you like your date, feel to flirt and have fun, but do not be too touchy feely and do not get too sexy with your talk. You do not really know how your date feels at this point and perhaps he/she is not ready or comfortable getting that far yet. Keep your flirting simple and set limits. You can ask questions to your date about their work, hobbies and so on, but do not be too direct and forward with your questions either. For example, do not straight ask their yearly income, marriage plans and so on. And don’t ask them if they are dating other people and if they could stop that immediately cause you like them!! This is too serious for a first date! You have all the time in the world to find these things out if you like one another! Remember, this is a first date- do not scare your date away!
 
 
 
 
 
   
 
 
 
 

Monday, July 11th, 2011